The Ugly Side Of Singlehood
There are a niche of women who experience a very “not so pleasant” side of being single. What niche? The niche of being Christian, young, Saved, virgin/celibate, childless, intelligent, and very much so attractive! Though a reality, in some people eyes, this description is only a dream! Unfortunately, this type of formula is not always a welcomed one.
Yes, I am a part of that niche.
Thus far, my Singlehood topics have been neutral in the level of controversy. Not too cold, not too hot. Well at least I think so [laughs]. However, in this post we will be going a bit deeper. Many may not be aware of an unspoken facet of Singlehood, dealing specifically with women. Of course I can talk about this in depth, and understanding because I am one, and have been exposed to, and experienced this not so pretty side of Singlehood.
What Are You Even Talking About?
I am talking about the quiet battles you, as a single, encounter from other women who see you as temptation for their husband. The ugly glares you get. The misunderstandings of who your are, versus what they see. I have had women “turned off" by me. Whenever I would come around, I could feel the uneasiness, harsh thoughts of reservation, and seperation, they have towards me. “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel” (The Late Maya Angelou). Ain’t that the truth! I am not sure if men are aware, but it happens all the time. It is like you have a big sign on your head that says,
“BEWARE: TEMPTATION FOR YOUR MAN!”
It is really sad. Really sad. You are getting the wrath from how you were created. Granted, there are some women who are “true temptation,” and may be reminders of certain situations of the past. These kind of women have a secret agenda, and do like the glaring attention they receive from other women’s husband/boyfriend/mate. They entertain the possibilities of what could happen if they decided to take it one step further. However, this is not the case for every woman in this niche.
What differentiates the niche from the “non-niche” is the essence of GOD. An emotional attachment can be made. Though men are known to be physical, they are emotional as well. Their emotional side may not be as blatant as of a woman, but it is still there. This niche has power, in a sense they resemble being a wife. They can be legitmate "competition." This is not the type of woman you just sample, and run away from. She has potential. She is godly. The niche would be the woman you would marry.
Boundaries
As my Pastor, D.H.Dawkins has described, temptation is not a sin, but an opportunity. “For we have not an high priest [Jesus] which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). Though Jesus was tempted, it did not result in sin. He had a choice, and made the same one every time. It becomes sin when your thoughts turn lustful.
I always try my best to respect boundaries. I do not get “too close” to married/taken men. "Too close” as in, what is still deemed respectful in the sight of Thee Lord. I understand that women were created to be appealing to men. It is inevitable. Married or unmarried, a woman (or women) will always be intriguing to a man. It does not matter how beautiful their wives/lady are. Beauty captures. Because of this, I must be very careful with my interaction. When you understand the weight, and power you embody, naturally, and that it is ALL because of GOD, you will not take it for granted. In other words, once you have been humbled by GOD, and are clear on what the feeling of being humbled brings, you know not to take advantage. This is where the fear of Thee Lord comes to play in your life!
There is no problem of being admired FROM A DISTANCE. I have personally have gotten over the fact that men will stare at me. I realized that the glory of GOD is within me (1 John 4:4), and that is something that I cannot hide, no matter how much I try. It is okay to be looked at, but give GOD the glory! Again, Sin becomes present when innocent admiration, turns into lustful possibilities. As the Bible states, "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matthew 5:27-28). This goes both ways, and applies to women. With the flesh, you must be very careful! A simple thought can gown into a huge manifestation.
It is important to keep in mind, and read Ephesians 5, which describes how the love between a man, and a woman, husband, and wife, out to be.
It's Funny How
What baffles me the most, is how some women do not even understand the fires you had to go through, and in some cases, still are going through, in order to reach this level of refinement. Please do not draw conclusions at this stage of refinement. Refinement is continuos, and necessary for each level we elevate to. Some women do not know the childhood battles, emotional war zones, and present issues that you have faced, yet all they see is a “possible problem,” and “temptation" that needs to be removed. I cannot help but to think of how there is a lack of secruity is present here.
The Flip Side
Granted these women are looking out for their husband/mate. Now if I was the married one, and I saw a Christian, young, Saved, childless, virgin/celibate, intelligent, and very much so attractive woman being around my man, I could understand the caution. A key to life: Never give the opportunity! Do not enable a "possible" occurance. If you see some red flags, handle it, properly! What I could do for myself is to be secure. How? Through my husbands actions.
Line the facts up:
We pray, together
He reminds me that I am his, and he is grateful to have me by his side
He comes home to me
He wakes up to me
He pays my bills
I have his last name
I have carried his children
There is no prenup involved
I do above, and beyond, of what a wife is called to do
I am the Proverbs 31 woman
He knows better
There is too much at stake
What is there for me to worry about when GOD is the first cord of the three stands knot (Ecclesiastes 4:12, Pslam 55:22)? At the end of the day, though difficult, a man should always have lustful eyes for his woman, and her only. In other words, you can look at all the women you like, just make sure to come home, and take it all out on me (for the MARRIED of course)!
Understanding
I understand that my ring finger will not be bare forever, and what I sow in this season, will be reaped when it is my turn to get married. How I choose to behave as a single woman now, will help cultivate the attitude I will have towards the single women that will come around once married. I can use my own personal experience to better discern the agenda of those who come around my husband.
Whether Saved, or not, men are men. I choose to pray, give grace, and remain focused on GOD. The enemy loves division, and conflict. I refuse to dim my light for anyone. I will not hide how I present myself—the way I dress, and carry myself as a whole. I will not make it “easier” for anyone. I will be myself, the Queen I was called to be. I was created, fearfully, and wonderfully in GOD’s image (Psalm 139:14), and do not think for one second I will be apologetic for it. I own that I am attractive, but I understand that my true beauty is far more than skin deep, and that I am an earthen vessel for Thee Lord (2 Corinthians 4:7). What He gives, He can take away (Job 1:21)!
Take caution, be mindful, and leave all the rest to GOD.
Selah...
