Singlehood: What Do I Like In A Man?

It is funny how I have been dishing out Singlehood topics, but have not yet discussed what I WANTED in a man. I have been wanting to speak/write on this, but the Holy Spirit had me wait a while. Everything has its’ time and place (Ecclesiastes 3). I am going to give you SOME of my top qualities I desire my HusBae (Husband + Bae) to have!

Let’s go!

1. MAN OF GOD

FIRST and FOREMOST:

He must be a man of GOD! Yes, this may sound cliche’, but it is the truth! GOD must know him on a first name basis! Not on a “need” basis! I do not want to be with a man who I HAVE to LEAD into Christ! I need my man to be able to be the spiritual leader that he was crafted to be. I need him to lead us into prayer and be of holiness. I need my man to have an intimate relationship with GOD. I need him to love GOD MORE than me. When I see him, I need to see Christ and always be reminded of Him. When he throws himself into Christ, I can rest assure he will know how to spiritually and physically treat me. This is where character and being a gentleman will be cultivated—Thee Ephesians 5 Man. When his inner man is healthy and thriving, so will his outer man. He will know what love is. Unconditional love that only GOD, through Jesus, can teach and give! Y’all don’t hear me!!! This is the foundation of who we will be as a couple—unit, and is DEFINITELY THEE deal breaker! Honestly, if you are not a true, (not of religion, but relationship) man of GOD, I cannot say that I am really "attracted" to you. It is an instant “no” in my book.

HusBae will be ready.

2. Presentation

Clean. Dapper. Tailored.

Men are not the only “physical beings.” Just as Esther presented her self in the King’s court, and Ruth presented herself to Boaz, I expect my man to be PRESENTABLE. They say “Don’t judge a book by its’ cover,” true! However, this does not mean your presentation should lack! The cover of the book still has to be appealing in some way! It is not realistic for a great book, to lack luster! There has to be SOMETHING in the physical that draws me near. Remember, we are earthen vessels with heavenly treasure (2 Corinthians 4:7)!

In other words, we are not just spiritual! I am just keeping it REAL! We are made of flesh. Eve was taken from Adam’s flesh (Genesis)! Please do not run with this and think you can make excuses for your flesh: NO! We are still called to be holy (1 Peter 1:15, 1 Thessalonians 4:7, 2 Timothy 1:9). What I am saying is that attraction is both spiritual and physical. When Adam saw Eve, he KNEW by looking at her that she was the one and was created for him (Genesis)! I just love a suited and booted man who knows how to get himself together. Please do not get me wrong. I also love a guy who can be just as attractive in some sweats, sneakers, and fitted cap. There is a time and place for everything. Again, it is all in the presentation.

3. Intellectual

My! Myy! Myyyy!!! A man that is not only a man of GOD, but a man who I can have an thoughtful conversation with! “Women fall in love by hearing." Stimulate my mind. If you can sit down and have a clear, clean, deep, moving discussion with me, and I can ACTUALLY learn from you, that is TRUE perfection! This goes back to being a man of GOD, and understanding where knowledge and wisdom comes from. Due to technology, the naturalness of talking face-to-face and getting to know each other through meet-ups appears as of it has vanished and lost its' value. I miss that type of genuine connection. When you allow that natural interaction to occur, subliminal messages are being exchanged in the spiritual realm, unhealthy guarded walls are falling, possibilities are given birth, and communication is being cultivated. How am I suppose to be lead by you, if I cannot first understand your mind? Your vision? Your way of thinking? As my husband, you are suppose to TEACH me. I love to pick someone’s thought process to see if they can keep up with me and keep me interested! There will be times where just having a conversation will be enough. There will be a time when we will be stricken in age and talking may be all that we can do. I need a great communicator! Someone who is not afraid to have those unwanted conversations. The Bible says in Proverbs 3:12 (KJV) “For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.” I need to know that we can have the appropriate conversations in order to continue on. I need to know that your mind is screwed on straight. Where is your godly wisdom? Where is your godly vision? You would be surprised how a simple conversation would have a lasting impression on a woman; on me.

4. Provider

I need a man that is already a provider, both in the spiritual and physical. If I am without something, he should be convicted to be used by GOD to close the gap of whatever I am in need of. If you are hungry, does he bring food? Gas is low in your car, does he make the trip and buy more for you? You need to go grocery shopping, does he cover the total from time to time? You are thirsty, does he get a bottle of water for you? You are a little short this month, does he extend his finances to you? The little things...

If a man is OKAY when you are without, THEN HE IS NOT A MAN or YOU ARE NOT THE ONE! The Bible says "Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). Honestly, being a provider should already be a standard; IT IS A STANDARD! The world has a way of twisting roles and biblical requirements that has caused great confusion, but that is for another post! I LOVE A PROVIDER that will hold his Queen down with ALL that he has! My man should WANT to provide for me, with what he has!

If he is not trying to look out for you, through his actions, in the “humble stages of life,” or BEFORE you tie the knot, when you both get married, there is great possibility he will not do so then. I am not asking for the lusts of the world (materialism, money, power and so forth) I am asking for Thee Ephesians 5 man who understand the way he treats me is the true reflection of himself, and he will be held responsible in GOD's eyes in the way he does. Character is seen before the invitation to step center stage, onto to the platform of the world. What he does now, will matter then.

5. Humility

Quiet yet aggressive. A major turn off for me is a man who needs to be seen and heard. I like men who move quietly and swiftly. Their actions announces their presence. They do not need a whole crowd with a grand entrance in order to feel and be a man. A man that is loud, but has no weight to his words, is a TURN OFF. Just huffin' and puffin’ hot air! Where are the receipts from GOD proving that you are doing what you say you are? Can GOD validate your actions? Can Jesus stand as your witness? I am so over men who think they can “smooth” talk me into what they are selling, and putting on a “front" for everyone. This is what happened to King Ahasuerus. When he demanded his Queen, Vashti, to come and have her beauty admired by his guest, she refused (Esther 1). Could it have been because he was always huffin' and puffin', on a platform, but when it came down to business, he had nothing to show for her? She felt nothing? He was not meeting her needs? (Pastor D.H.Dawkins taught us, when studying the word to spin the angle from where the focus of the text is speaking from.) As a queen, she would have been well aware of the repercussions that came with denying the king's requests. Could she finally had had enough? If a woman believes in you and desires to honor you, there is N-O-T-H-I-N-G that she will not do for you. Submission will EASILY come to a man (Let us keep that within biblical context—that is holy, right and true). I, myself, for the RIGHT ONE, will completely submit. I look forward to it and am patiently waiting to do so. By the time Esther came around, King Ahasuerus had probably learned his lesson and knew what he needed to do in order to keep Esther.

6. Personality

I have to want to be around you. All of the above should be included in your personality—your character. The way you have a reverence for GOD (Man of GOD), carry yourself (Presentation), have meaningful and intentional interactions (Intellectual), handle your business (Provide), but not needing an audience to do it (Humble), is what will attract me to you. I will laugh at your corny jokes. Love your “not so lovable parts” twice as much. I will easily submit to you. I will want to bear your seeds. I will want my son(s) to be just like you.

SN: I really am not too picky on age. I am 25 years old, so my "ideal range" for the right one, would be, 23-35 years old. Again, it truly all depends, and my husband will be perfect for me. GOD will make sure of that ;).

In Closing

Remember what you require of your spouse, you should be able to provide! You cannot demand things that you do not have yourself! Speaking biblically, there are certain elements that a man and woman must have, separately, in order to make it work as a unit. I have some things that GOD and I are still straightening out. I do not desire to be perfect, but worth it. Overall, be the person you would want to marry!

Do you have work to do on yourself?

Can you look in the mirror, and say “Yes” to you?

Ask yourself...

I hop you enjoyed SOME of my desires that I pray my HusBae will possess.

One day!

That is all for now!

Be Blessed Fam!

Selah...